Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
