omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
