What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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