dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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