omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
