Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Vodka?
Forever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
