Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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