i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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