JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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