Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
