Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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