everyone is single if you try hard enough
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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