your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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