New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
