Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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