Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
