Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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