I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
