omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
