I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Found the puke drawer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
