Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
