yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
