Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
