Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
