i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
