the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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