i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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