Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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