i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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