He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
