Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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