dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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