It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
