You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
