My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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