i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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