We won't sleep together?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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