i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
