You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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