she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
