You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I look better un-naked...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
