What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
