May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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