i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
