um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
