Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
