k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
