david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
