I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
