Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
