its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!