Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?