he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
worst night to have a conscience
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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