I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
