Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
