When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
