I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
