My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
