Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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