ugly people sure do ruin things
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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