I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
