either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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