What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
