ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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