my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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